Monday, October 7, 2013

Advocacy... or, FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

I carried my baby girl for thirty-nine weeks, six days.

I felt flutters that evolved into kicks...

Flips and tumbles and hiccups...

I began to take note of her little personality before she even entered the world.

Even in utero, my babies have had very different personalities.  Ryan is a very easy-going and laid back child, and was so even in the womb.  Reagan on the other hand, does not and never has liked being messed with.  When Winston would lay his head on my belly, Reagan would kick like crazy because she didn't like the intrusion!

The most invaluable lesson throughout the past three months is that no one knows Reagan like I do, and no one will fight for her like I will.  A mother's instinct and desire to protect her young knows no bounds.

All of these hospital stays and tests have left all of us emotionally weary, but if there is one thing I have learned it is that you never let your guard down, and you fight for your child's best interest every second of the day.  When we were at Hopkins, I felt like no one listened to me.  Reagan didn't need a feeding tube.  I knew she didn't.  I vehemently opposed its insertion and voiced my opinions to anyone... anyone!! --who would listen.  I found myself telling the same stories over and over and over.  Repeating her history again, and again, and again until I had the specific events memorized.

Being able to refer back to this blog helped.

As much as I feel I am advocating for my daughter, this is certainly a fight that has no winners or losers.  I don't feel like I'm winning anything, battle after battle.  It's more akin to periods of settlement vs. unrest.  Right now, we are in a period of settlement; however I am not naive... I brace myself for the next period of unrest, although I want to enjoy every second of the no drama.

Enjoy it... be grateful... thank God for this time of peace.
My mantra, repeating in my head.

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