Reagan ate a total of 13 ounces yesterday. In order to maintain her weight, she should be eating around 30 ounces per day. On a good day, Reagan eats 18 ounces. Yet, she has been gaining weight. We have weight checks every two weeks at her pediatrician's office. The ebb and flow of nerves surrounding these wears me out!
Before the weight check, the dread starts creeping in... is she going to gain weight this time? What are they going to say? What if she suddenly isn't... what else can we possibly do that we haven't already??
So far, we have been really lucky. With the exception of two weight checks, the others have been good.
I don't feel so confident about our next one tomorrow, especially because lately, Reagan has been crying so hard that she wears herself out and passes out asleep from exhaustion. She is not a good sleeper during the day. She catnaps.
Ryan's usual bedtime is 9:00 PM, which to me, is already pretty late. Last night it was 10:45. He and I did a puzzle, then he said his belly hurt because he was really hungry. He ate a bowl of cereal, drank some milk, and finally agreed to go upstairs.
When I think about Ryan, my heart breaks. The past few days have been really rough. Actually, this entire process has been really rough. I know I lose my patience with him a lot more than he deserves. I'm trying so hard to make sure that I am encouraging, positive, and gentle with him. Sometimes this is really hard, especially when Ryan acts out negatively because he is getting so shortchanged on attention.
It's really interesting to watch how Ryan's behavior escalates negatively as Reagan's needs escalate. When she is at her worst and crying uncontrollably to the point where absolutely nothing is helping, Ryan typically throws a temper tantrum, drags every toy he owns into the living room, and curls up on the couch in a ball. Sometimes, I come out of the bathroom after trying to soothe Reagan with the steam from the shower (which for whatever reason, works well most of the time), and he has managed to trash the house in the five or ten minutes we were in there.
Sometimes, he says point blank, "You are ignoring me, Mommy."
"Do you have time for me, Mommy?"
For those of you that know Ryan, you know that he has a vocabulary extensive enough to rival some adults. He's witty, he is analytical, and he is able to think through scenarios and string several thought processes together all at once. He also has a stellar memory.
One example of his ability to analyze beyond his years happened during our late night cereal date last night, when he was circling the books that he wanted from his monthly book order that he gets at school. Yia Yia and Pop Pop had told Ryan that he is allowed to pick five books from every book order. This kid adores books. He'd much rather have new books or new experiences than new toys. He likes toys, but even on his birthday or Christmas, he will open one toy at a time and savor it. He'll play with it, appreciate it, and then eventually, move on to the next present. He usually leaves a few things wrapped and forgets about them until we remind him that he has more to open. Like me, he's also super into experiences. He'd rather DO something than acquire a material good. He gets more excited about the places we go and the things we do together. Although during our visit at the toy store, I don't think he would have said no if I told him I was buying him the yellow Power Wheels F-150 he was eyeing up!! Still, the kid appreciates every single thing you do for him, no matter how small.
Oh, so anyway. Tangent... sorry.
The book order. First, Ryan circled any book that interested him, for a total of 14 books. Next, we looked at pairs of books that had similar themes, and he chose which one was the best of the pair, which took us down to seven. Then, I asked him to decide which five he absolutely HAD to have. He chose four books. I told him he could choose one more, and he said "Nope, I'm good. These are the ones I really really want."
Again, he's incredible, my miniature me.
Some doctors have suggested to us that Ryan won't remember any of this, but I know he will. After all, the kid still holds my feet to the fire for selling his wagon TWO YEARS AGO! I fear that one day he is going to recount his childhood memories and it's going to sound something like this:
"My mom yelled a lot when I was really little."
"My sister was sick, so she got most of the attention."
I do my best to make the most of every moment he and I are able to have together. I hope he always knows how incredibly much I love him, and how hard I tried to make him feel valued, important, and special every chance I got.
Lunch out at Noodles & Company, one of Ryan's favorite spots
Having a conversation with Ryan is a great joy. He knows a gazillion facts about the planets and the solar system. He's going to be Jupiter for Halloween. What three year old wants to be Jupiter?? I think that is so incredibly cool.
Our random conversations are the best:
"My arm is a bulldozer!! I'm a cheezy bulldozer! Say cheese, bulldozer! Cheese!!"
I get to kiss this face every morning, every night, and any time I feel like it in between. How did I get so lucky?!?
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